In different sessions a few weeks before Halloween:
He said “I wonder if she knows that I think of her everyday, and especially on Halloween?”
She said “I wonder if he knows that he made me feel wanted like no one ever had. Just like Halloween, I felt possessed in the best possible way.”
Each of these clients came to therapy for help with coping with various stresses and disappointments, including work issues, health concerns and learning to cope with a troublesome sibling. And then they brought up the issue that so often comes forth: the loss of a special someone. And so it is for many people. Some time has gone by, life’s joys and troubles have intervened to transform the original sadness from a sleep- piercing pain, turning it into something soft and sacred. We begin with the things that are happening now, and that seem more “accessible.” Then eventually, there is a moment of quiet reflection and searching consideration before the words of wondering and longing well up in the clients throat, sometimes with a misty moisture in their faraway eyes.
These conversations then take weeks to unfurl, and much longer to bring out in fullness and tenderness the ocean of thoughts and feelings that have been kept gently nestled near their hearts. The memories thrive like beings from another world, fed but seldom satiated by our deep emotional connections. We get glimpses of each other sometimes, if our imaginations look askance, like looking for dim stars by looking slightly away. And we can see each other more clearly when the memory is dressed in a gaudy costume and surprises us by hiding in plain sight.
As I drove home after these sessions, seeing Halloween decorations on the houses and in apartment windows, I thought: So many people miss someone. It’s no surprise that the notion of ghosts, and even goblins, persists.