Feeling lonely is a common sadness.

 Loneliness is a difficult, and all to common experience. 

If someone you know is feeling alone and disconnected from family and friends, try to make your presence and your caring more apparent.  Call, visit, and share this poem by Mary Oliver. 

 

WILD GEESE

 You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

            love what it loves.

Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain

are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees,

the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,

are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting—

over and over announcing your place

in the family of things.

 

 

                                                          

Sorry!

Everyone makes mistakes… that includes you!

What’s really important is what  you do next.  And that’s determined by your attitude about mistakes.

It’s not unusual for people to “beat themselves up” over mistakes.  While we all feel bad about the mistakes we make, we can learn to have a happier life if we follow a few simple tips:

• Remember what the first line of this post says!  Everyone sometimes makes mistakes.  It’s part of being human.

• Very few people make “intentional mistakes”, so grant others, along with yourself, the basic human quality of being fallible.

• Most mistakes have causes.  Try to figure out what went wrong, then it’s less likely you will make the same mistake again.

• Mistakes may mean you were not prepared.  Perhaps more practice, more information or more planning would have helped.

• A mistake is unfortunate, may cost money or time or may cause embarrassment, but rarely is it life-threatening. 

• Many mistakes teach you valuable lessons that you otherwise would never learn, and so some mistakes may prevent even bigger mistakes.

• Some mistakes are humorous.  If you can see the humor, laugh at yourself!

 Most importantly, when you’ve admitted your mistake, and learned how not to make it again, it’s time to let go of your disappointment and regret.  You can’t change the past, but you can  erase your mistake from your future.

Quote for Intentional Living – 4/24/10

 

Quote for Intentional Living

 

 

“The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn.”

                      Gloria Steinem

The kindness of strangers?

 If you’ve ever received a random “nice-ity” from someone, then you know how these unexpected acts of kindness can lift your mood and put a smile on your face.

 

 We all have experienced feeling overwhelmed and fatigued by the constant requests for our donations to charities.   Soon we can begin to feel that we just don’t have the resources or even the interest in giving more.   There is a way however to give to the people around us without depleting our capacity.  Do you remember this oft quoted inspirational phrase?

“Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty.”

Here are just a few suggestions for easy yet touching altruism that will leave some other person, and you as well, feeling that generosity is not only possible but is alive and thriving.

• Let someone get ahead of you.  Maybe at the ATM or in a line in your favorite store.  Or let the car that is trying to merge have the space to get in front of you.

• Show gratitude.  Say “thank you” when others might not, perhaps when the waiter brings more bread to the table, even though there’s an animated conversation going on with your friends.

• Give an unexpected compliment.  Waiting for your turn in the post office?  Give some one a gentle – and appropriate compliment.  They will remember it long after you’ve forgotten.

 

These are just a few ideas for practicing random acts of kindness, and I’m certain that numerous opportunities arise regularly in your daily life.   You will be enriched with each one, and will inspire someone else to play it forward with their own little gifts.

Be the change you want to see in the world.

Seeing Death for the first time.

“When you see the death of anything,

you see the death of everything.”

And of yourself.

Several of my young adult clients are beginning to see older relatives fall ill and sometimes die.  These young people are being confronted, often for the first time, with the true nature of life and its complementary experience: death.   They come to therapy with sadness yes, but more so with some uncertainty and  confusion about how they should respond.  They are taking cues from adults around them, yet realized that there is something different about their own experience.   When I talk with them about their first glimmers of the passing of the torch they usually fall into to thoughtful stillness, then begin to understand their fear and grief over their loss.  

And then sometimes, as they open their inner eyes to the truth of the cycle of life, they begin to realize how fragile are we all; and why then it makes sense to be kind and thoughtful toward others, to forgive their transgressions when we can, and to remove ourselves yet sustain hopefulness for their eventual enlightenment even when we can’t.   We spend many sessions talking of the cycles of life and of our place in that cycle.  And more… of how to make the most of our lives.

And in this way, these young clients come to terms with their immediate loss, the eventual loss of other beloved people in their lives, their own ultimate departure from this life, and the importance of cherishing those who yet draw breath and return our gaze.  They learn what may be one of the more important lessons in life:

 

Be kind to all you meet.  They are dealing with sometime more difficult and distressing than you know. 

  If you are dealing with the serious illness or impending death of someone you love, call a qualified therapist today to make an appointment and begin discovering how you can make the most of their days… and of yours.

Quote for Intentional Living – 4/17/10

                                  

Quote for Intentional Living    

 

 

“It’s not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.”

                                              Charles Darwin

                                                                                                                           

Looking for your missing piece?

 

 

Are you having a difficult time finding a partner?

 Sometimes a person is looking for a “match” – someone just like him or her, who likes and dislikes the all of the same things and who will not present too much challenge to one’s preferences and beliefs.

Other times a person may be looking for a partner who is a good “fit” – someone who complements and enhances, and who may compensate for their deficits.

This little illustrated story, by Shel Silvestein, is a sweet and telling tale of partnering, and offers another perspective.  I hope you enjoy it, and take the time to consider its life-lesson.

http://www.osorhan.com/bigo/index.php  (there may be a message “website cannot be found” – just continue to click on “next” under the drawing)

If you’re having trouble with finding a romantic partner, perhaps the problem is how you view “partnering.”  Consider seeing a professional therapist to discover whether (or not) you may need to make some personal changes that will make it more likely you’ll find someone who can roll with you!

Find yourself first, then when your “vision” is clear,  look for your hoped-for partner. 

Call today for an appointment.

Trouble Sleeping? Still?

Still having trouble sleeping? 

My post on 4-05-10 offered five tips on how to improve your sleep by making strategic changes in your sleep habits. 

As I said in that post, there can be many reasons that someone may have difficulty sleeping.   We will not explore those here.   This post is meant to offer some quick and easy tips to help you improve your “sleep hygiene” so that you can give yourself the best possible chance of getting a good night’s sleep without out using pharmaceuticals.  There are conditions, such as Narcolepsy that benefit from medication support, but first trying less invasive remedies is usually helpful.

There are 5 more suggestions 0f pre-sleep routines that may help.

•  Be thoughtful about your evening eating.   Stimulants like caffeine-drinks or sugar-drinks should be avoided.  Heavy meals and spicy meals can cause lingering discomfort and interfere with sleep, as can drinking large amounts of any liquid.  Instead try eating a small amout of mostly protein-rich food in the latter part of the evening.

•  Build an intentional relaxation routine just before or at bedtime.  Different practices will work for different people.  Some possible activities are reading (easy reading, not technical or emotional provocative), listening to relaxing music, stretching, or thinking about a future vacation.  Try not to engage is activities that are stimulating, like watching TV shows with violent or suspenseful content.

• Use your bed only for sleeping or sex.   Other activities may result in a “mental connection” between your bed and those activities, interfering with restfulness.  Much as getting in a dentist’s chair causes some anxiety and mental arousal, getting into bed should trigger sleepiness.

• Limit the light in the room.  Use dim night lights to see your way to the bathroom so that you do not have to turn on brighter lights that will arouse you from sleepiness, and use window shades that are effective in keeping out light from the outside.  Try either covering or turning off electronics that have bright displays or red “ready” lights such as DVD players and wireless telephones and chargers for other electronic items.

• Do not stay in bed if you cannot sleep.   This is similar to the suggestion of not using your bed for other activities.  If you lay awake for too long you may form a mental association with your bed as a place where you do NOT sleep rather than as a place where you do sleep.   If you are awake for more than 20 to 30 minutes, get up and go to another room, do something relaxing, and go back to bed when you feel drowsy.

 The tips in the two Trouble Sleeping? posts are intended to give you some ideas about how to approach your bedtime in a way that may enhance your ability to fall asleep more quickly.  It may also be true however that you are experiencing stress and anxiety that is not easily managed with these methods.  If excessive worry is keeping you awake it is also advisable that you seek professional therapy to illuminate, explore and resolve the causes of your anxiety.  Call today to make an appointment.

                                                                                  Sweet Dreams.

Quote for Intentional Living – 4/10/10

 

Quote for Intentional Living

 

 

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time.  We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.  We are the change that we seek.”

                             Barack Obama

Food Matters! Tip #4

 

Having a full portion in view can distort your sense of the portion on your plate…

so even a full plate looks less than full 

 when sitting next to a heaping-full platter!

It’s all a matter of perspective!  Just like an optical illusion that fools our brain into seeing something other than what is actually there, sitting a very full plate next to a really full platter can fool us into thinking that our plate holds only a small portion.  

What can help is to learn how to judge portion sizes more accurately.  Here’s an example of the kinds of illustrations of portion equivalents that are available on the internet:

                                   If you can learn to measure your portions by using easily remembered objects and the equivalent volume they each represent, you will be able to manage your food intake very easily and without anyone else even noticing!

This is the easy part of course.   Keeping yourself from having 3 baseballs of rice is the real challenge, but starting to practice portion awareness will help to build your capacity for Intentional Living with regard to your eating habits

Bon Appetit!