Pride Week-celebrating diversity.

This is a week of celebrating Gay Pride. 

While some members of our society enjoy all of the rights and privileges of full citizenship,

 others do not, and moreover are sometimes subjected to harassement, agressive discrimination,

and even death at the hands of people living next door.

This week you can start to make a difference by rejecting prejudice and supporting the rights of your fellow citizens.

 When the rights of one are ignored, the rights of all are in jeopardy.

 

In the East Bay area of Berkeley, Oakland and Hayward, California, two of my colleagues, Dr. Susanne Watson and Dr. Silvia Gorla are Gender Specialists.  

Quotes for Intentional Living – 6/26/10

Quote for Intentional Living

“Love never dies a natural death.  It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source.  It dies of blindness, and errors and betrayal.  It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.”

Anais Nin

Protect your child from bullying!

Bullying: a new epidemic?  

 Bullying is a critical issue is schools and must be brought into the light so that administrators, teachers, parents and students can all learn the signs of this dangerous behavior and take steps to both stop it and to respond quickly and effectively when it is happening.

(This post was written by Susan Bacon at theravive.com  and because of its importance to parents is reprinted here  in its entirety.)

Bullying is becoming an epidemic in our schools, cyberspace, parks and other areas where kids hang out. Its effect on children can be lasting, even following them into adulthood. It is vital to deal with bullying swiftly and lovingly.

The times of a simple trip in the isle, just for the fun of it, between friends has passed. Today children are faced with far more intimidating tactics.

Often, kids are attacked while others look on, without going for, or helping the victim. Children are often afraid to say anything to anyone for fear of retaliation.

Know the signs

Identifying the signs of bullying is a key element in protecting your child, and keeping them safe.

Your child’s behavior will offer tell-tale signs bullying may be occurring. Following are a few things to watch for:

• Lack of appetite
• Decreased interest in school/social activities
• Few, if any close friends
• Trouble sleeping
• Stomach aches and other ailments
• Unexplained bruises, cuts or scrapes
• Missing or damaged personal items
• Anxiety
• Isolation

How you can help 

If you notice you child manifesting any, or a number of these behaviors, it is time to talk–reach out with a kind, loving arm. Get as many details as you can about the bullying incidents. They may be reluctant to speak to you about the situation at first. Often this is because of misplaced blame or shame.

It is important to reassure your child they are safe. Express how much you want to help them overcome this situation. They are likely not the only child being harassed by the bully.

Talk with school officials, such as the counselor, principal or other significant policy makers about the danger your child is facing.

Be persistent, and follow up. Ensure changes are made to eliminate the threat. Furthermore, depending on the type of abuse your child is being subject to, criminal charges may be in order.

Talk to your child about how to handle the bullying. Encourage them to remain calm when confronted. Tell them to be firm when they speak to the aggressor. Offer suggestions of what they may say, such as: “Stop what you are doing right now.” Stress the importance of walking away. Never encourage aggression, or similar bad behavior.

Encourage your child to make friends with people in his class. Children should walk in pairs or small non-threatening groups. Especially when going to the bathroom, lunch, playground and other potentially isolated areas.

General rule of thumb

Monitor your child’s activity. Such as, know who their friends are, and be involved as much as you can in their lives. Be careful of what you allow your children to watch on television and videos. Behavior breeds behavior, and violence can lead to violence.

Computers are a way of life these days. As such, the newest form of bullying or threat can come from the internet. As much, if not more, as you would monitor what your children read and watch, the same should apply to the internet. Cyber bullying has led to mental breakdowns, violent acts, sexual assaults, murder and suicide. Any type of bullying has this potential. If suppressed, an individual can move through life harboring a lot of resentment, guilt and shame.

Knowing when to intervene and get professional help is paramount. It can eliminate or assist in treating more complicated mental conditions, such as anxiety disorders, resulting from bullying.

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It’s important for parents of school-aged children to recognize the signs of distress in their children and to take steps to protect and support the child in finding physical and emotional safety.  Every day there are stories of tragic events related to bullying at schools across the nation.   Even if you do not see signs in your child, sit down and have a calm and candid conversation to ensure your child knows you understand and will help if she or he encounters a bully.

A Day for Dads

Father’s Day is a happy day…

for many.  But not for everyone.

For most people the relationship with their dad is memorable. 

For others the relationship may be confused with some not so good memories.

Still other people did not know their father and have either no memories,  or have only the reconstructed memories cobbled from stories they were told and old  photographs.

Father’s Day can be a day of varied meaning, yet our popular culture seeks to make everyone’s Father’s Day into the Hallmark moment it may not be.

 The greeting cards in the stores don’t show it, but there are many people who are having a different experience inside than what is displayed on the cards.  It’s good to celebrate if you can.  Embrace the meaning of the day, and let your Dad know.  Or tell a funny story to preserve his memory.

If your connection to your father was more complicated, if you are sad, or mad, or just miss him, you are not alone.   And you can explore your memories and how they affect you with a therapist of your choice.

Happy Father’s Day — today, or if not, very soon.

 

Quotes for Intentional Living – 6/19/10

Quote for Intentional Living

“I freed a thousand slaves. I could have freed a thousand more if only they knew they were slaves.”

Harriet Tubman

June 19th: central to some, obscure to many, relevant to all.

“Juneteenth” is a holiday that speaks to all Americans.

This statue on the grounds of Ashton Villa in Galveston, Texas commemorates the reading of the Emancipation Proclamation at that site on June 19, 1865.  

Though Abraham Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation on September 22, 1862, with an effective date of January 1, 1863, it had minimal immediate effect on most slaves’ day-to-day lives, particularly in Texas, which was almost entirely under Confederate control. Texas was resistant to the Emancipation Proclamation.  Juneteenth commemorates June 19, 1865, the day Union General Gordon Granger and 2,000 federal troops arrived in Galveston, Texas to take possession of the state and enforce the emancipation of its slaves. On June 19, 1865, legend has it while standing on the balcony of Galveston’s Ashton Villa, Granger read the contents of “General Order No. 3”:

“The people of Texas are informed that, in accordance with a proclamation from the Executive of the United States, all slaves are free. This involves an absolute equality of personal rights and rights of property between former masters and slaves, and the connection heretofore existing between them becomes that between employer and hired labor.”

 Knowing the history of all Americans enhances our ideal of becoming one America.

Quotes for Intentional Living-6/12/10

Quote for Intentional Living

“It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped.  Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope.”

Robert F. Kennedy

Anxiety: fears and facts.

“We have nothing to fear except fear itself.” 

  When President Roosevelt spoke those words he captured a singular truth about the way we respond to our own anticipation of difficult events or situations.   Our fearful expectations can become more debilitating than the actual event of which we’re afraid.  This is especially true when we become afraid of our own anxiety.

Intense anxiety and Panic Attacks can be frightening, for sure.  The physical sensations associated with anxiety tend to increase the fearful feelings.  If however these sensations are better understood then a large measure of the fear may be diminished.   Here are some common Fears and the Facts that may help to reassure you.

• The sensations mean there is something physically wrong!  No.  The sensations associated with anxiety are triggered by body chemicals related to your emotional state.

• An anxiety attack, once begun, could never end!  No.  Anxiety attacks cannot last forever because you run out of the body chemicals that cause the sensations. 

• Anxiety can drive people crazy!  No.  Anxiety is a natural response, but causes  problems when it happens too often or causes you to do things that make matters worse.

• Anxiety will make me so dizzy that I pass out.  No.  The body’s reaction to anxiety is actually the opposite of what would cause you to pass out.

• Anxiety attacks will get worse and worse.  No, anxiety attacks respond to what you do about them.  You can reduce their intensity and even eliminate them all together.

Anxiety can be both uncomfortable and worrisome, but you can learn how to recognize and manage your anxiety symptoms so that the fear itself does not become your constant companion. 

Make an appointment today to begin illuminating and changing those scary thoughts. 

Quotes for Intentional Living – 6/05/10

 

Quote for Intentional Living

 

“What is objectionable, what is dangerous, about extremists is not that they are extreme,  but that they are intolerant.  The evil is not what they say about their cause, but what they say about their opponents.”

                            Robert F. Kennedy

Change is good-my blog is changing.

Dear Readers,

Thanks for following my blog, and for the responses you’ve left.

Starting in June (2010) I’m  dropping back to posting only once-per-week (plus the weekly quote).   I’ve taken on a couple of interesting projects that will be  really time-consuming for the next several months.   I plan to return to more frequent posting once those projects are up and running, and require less time. 

I’ll be publishing new posts on Tuesdays only,  instead of on  both Mondays and Thursdays as I’ve done for the past couple of years.  I hope you will continue to read them and to leave your comments for me and others to enjoy and learn from.