Quotes for Intentional Living – 5/28/11

Quote for Intentional Living

“Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable.”

Mary Oliver

Signs of the past.

Signs of past relationships, in the form of permanent tattoos, can be troublesome.

During the past several years I’ve noticed an increase in the number of clients who declare their regret at having gotten a tattoo of a lover’s name.   These range from a male client who had a girlfriend’s name – complete with roses and hearts  – scrawled down his entire right arm, to a young woman who had a partner’s name inked in a large sweeping arc across her lower (no, a little lower) back .

Both had regrets, because of negative stereotypes they’d had to confront.

The young man wanted to stop explaining to everyone why the name on his arm was not that of his current girlfriend.   People wondered if he had been drunk when he got tattooed, and asked endless questions aboutthe immortalized girl, who he now was trying to forget.  It was embarrassing to his  new fiancee, and he was tired of it.  He had begun wearing only long sleeved shirts, but was anxious about the coming of summer and warm weather.

The young woman was particularly troubled because a new romantic interest  (not knowing of her tattoo) had declared to her that he “would never date a girl with a tramp stamp (lower back tattoo) because that shows they are promiscuous-and the bigger the stamp the more ‘skanky’ the girl.”  His use of these derogatory terms left her feeling helpless.  She agonized over how to talk to him about it before he saw it.  And how to explain about who’s name it was?   She cried softly as she talked about how helpless and trapped she felt.

Another client had told me about a new tattoo removal process that reportedly is more effective and much less painful than other techniques.  Called Medline C6, it apparently also leaves less scarring than other removal echniques that may simply leave behind the original tattoo design but as a scar rather than a tattoo!  He was going to pursue this new removal process because he wanted to propose to his girlfriend and she had told him that she could not marry someone who had a former lover’s name tattooed on his body.

If you want to decorate your body with permanent ink art, be very careful to think through your choices, especially if you’re choosing someone else’s name, and to make a choice only when you are sober and have discussed it with close friends who might offer you valuable feedback.  Tattoos do hurt when you have them put on, but reports are that they hurt much more to take off (at least with the laser method). 

And the physical pain may be minimal compared to the emotional pain if you change your mind, or your relationship.

Click on the link below for a short YouTube video of the laser removal process:  

 http://blog-health-talk.virtuowl.com/health-and-your-body/tattoo-art/laser-tattoo-removal/

Quote for Intentional Living – 5/21/11

Quote for Intentional Living

“Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back.  Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can’t build on it; it’s only good for wallowing in.”

Katherine Mansfield

Hey there, Sad Girl.

My client came to his initial sessions in deep despair.  He felt betrayed by someone who had claimed to love him.  Lies had been told about him, and some of those lies had found their way to people willing to use them for their own ends.  She had let that happen when she could have stopped it.  It also hurt that he had done the opposite:  remained silent about her betrayal and her hurtful behavior. 

Now though, a couple of years later, he had gained more perspective, felt more at peace, and began to express his understanding that she too had suffered – though it was important for him to point out to me that her pain had been from the actions of others and not from him. 

So he now thought that perhaps he and she shared something poignant even if unwanted:  a deep and abiding sadness over the way they had parted and for the people who had been hurt, themselves included. 

He told me he had a message for her; that both his love and his sadness are enduring, and that her love and sadness are remembered. 

I thought that sounded just about right.

If you have a deep and abiding sadness that sometimes wraps itself around you at unexpected moments, consider seeking the support and guidance of a qualified psychotherapist.   Perhaps you too can reach across an invisible divide and gently touch the memory of that certain someone.

Quotes for Intentional Living – 5/14/11

Quote for Intentional Living

“If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else.” 

Booker T. Washington