Unhappy men and happy women.

“Unhappy Men and the Women Who Love Them” by Nancy Shute.

“Men like it when women let them know when they’re happy. Women like it when men share their anger and frustration.

Well, that sounds like a bit of a problem.

But the good news, researchers say, is that what matters most in a relationship is whether it feels like the other person is really trying to relate to the emotions, whether they’re happy or sad.

It’s not so hard to understand why men get satisfaction out of seeing their wife or girlfriend happy. Wouldn’t anyone?

But the notion that women like seeing their mate angry, sad or frustrated is more of a puzzle. What’s up with us, women?

But the findings are consistent with what we know about couples, says Shiri Cohen, a clinical psychologist and researcher at Massachusetts General Hospital. She asked 156 couples to remember incidents in the relationship that upset them, and compared their reactions.  “The women tend to want to engage around conflict,” she told Shots. “They’re deriving more satisfaction when they see that their partner is upset.”

Evidently we women see a man’s willingness to share negative feelings as a sign that he’s invested in the relationship. Cohen says: “That’s telling her something about his availability to engage in the conflict.”

Men feel exactly the opposite about those moments of conflict: They see it as a threat to the relationship. Instead, Cohen says, “They do derive satisfaction when their girlfriends or wives are happy.”  The findings were just published in the Journal of Family Psychology.

So I guess we women have to stop and take notice at those moments of male happiness. And men could profit by starting a sentence with the phrase “I feel bad about ….”

But both sexes benefit when they make it clear they’re empathizing with the other’s feelings, be they good or bad.

“It’s sometimes difficult for partners to look past what their own emotions are,” Cohen says. “It helps to know that different kinds of emotions can enhance the way people feel about their relationships”.”  [ Re-printed in full from the NPR Health Blog on March 6, 2012]

Be intentional about making each other happy. 

Contact a qualified therapist today to begin learning how to identify and communicate your real inner feelings.

DENIAL… as an affirmation!

Usually we think of “doing” rather than “not doing” when considering “intentional” behavior.  Yet there are moments when self-denial may be a good decision, and avoidance of some experiences leaves open the potential for other experiences. Here, poetically illuminated by Nadira, we see that living intentionally can also mean denying oneself. 

DENIAL  

There are questions
I will not ask
Though I know
Well, the answers.
There are waters
I will not tread
Though I know
Just how to swim.

There are songs
I cannot sing
Though the heart
Hums its desires
There are are wines
I will not sip
From the goblets
Filled to the brim.

There is an air
I cannot breathe
Though good
For my jaded self
There are places
Where I cannot linger
In the nooks of
The grassy dell

There are rainbows
I will not reach for
There are summits
I cannot climb
There are textures
I will not touch
And scents
I dare not smell.

There are streams
I will not surf through
And pebbles
I cannot pick
There are roads
I will not ride on
Though I’m sure
Of the winding way.

There are days
Robbed of rest
And nights
Devoid of dreams
But there’s a life
I will not lust for
It’s a heaven
Where I cannot stay.

                                                     posted on www.Nadirafromkannur.com 

Learn to be comfortable living within your emotional means. 

Contact a qualified therapist and say “yes” to exploring the inner satisfaction of living intentionally.

Quotes for Intentional Living – 3/05/12

Quote for Intentional Living

“Only those who are ravaged by Love

     know Love.

                                                   Rumi