Signs of the past.

Signs of past relationships, in the form of permanent tattoos, can be troublesome.

During the past several years I’ve noticed an increase in the number of clients who declare their regret at having gotten a tattoo of a lover’s name.   These range from a male client who had a girlfriend’s name – complete with roses and hearts  – scrawled down his entire right arm, to a young woman who had a partner’s name inked in a large sweeping arc across her lower (no, a little lower) back .

Both had regrets, because of negative stereotypes they’d had to confront.

The young man wanted to stop explaining to everyone why the name on his arm was not that of his current girlfriend.   People wondered if he had been drunk when he got tattooed, and asked endless questions aboutthe immortalized girl, who he now was trying to forget.  It was embarrassing to his  new fiancee, and he was tired of it.  He had begun wearing only long sleeved shirts, but was anxious about the coming of summer and warm weather.

The young woman was particularly troubled because a new romantic interest  (not knowing of her tattoo) had declared to her that he “would never date a girl with a tramp stamp (lower back tattoo) because that shows they are promiscuous-and the bigger the stamp the more ‘skanky’ the girl.”  His use of these derogatory terms left her feeling helpless.  She agonized over how to talk to him about it before he saw it.  And how to explain about who’s name it was?   She cried softly as she talked about how helpless and trapped she felt.

Another client had told me about a new tattoo removal process that reportedly is more effective and much less painful than other techniques.  Called Medline C6, it apparently also leaves less scarring than other removal echniques that may simply leave behind the original tattoo design but as a scar rather than a tattoo!  He was going to pursue this new removal process because he wanted to propose to his girlfriend and she had told him that she could not marry someone who had a former lover’s name tattooed on his body.

If you want to decorate your body with permanent ink art, be very careful to think through your choices, especially if you’re choosing someone else’s name, and to make a choice only when you are sober and have discussed it with close friends who might offer you valuable feedback.  Tattoos do hurt when you have them put on, but reports are that they hurt much more to take off (at least with the laser method). 

And the physical pain may be minimal compared to the emotional pain if you change your mind, or your relationship.

Click on the link below for a short YouTube video of the laser removal process:  

 http://blog-health-talk.virtuowl.com/health-and-your-body/tattoo-art/laser-tattoo-removal/

Trouble Sleeping? Still?

Still having trouble sleeping? 

My post on 4-05-10 offered five tips on how to improve your sleep by making strategic changes in your sleep habits. 

As I said in that post, there can be many reasons that someone may have difficulty sleeping.   We will not explore those here.   This post is meant to offer some quick and easy tips to help you improve your “sleep hygiene” so that you can give yourself the best possible chance of getting a good night’s sleep without out using pharmaceuticals.  There are conditions, such as Narcolepsy that benefit from medication support, but first trying less invasive remedies is usually helpful.

There are 5 more suggestions 0f pre-sleep routines that may help.

•  Be thoughtful about your evening eating.   Stimulants like caffeine-drinks or sugar-drinks should be avoided.  Heavy meals and spicy meals can cause lingering discomfort and interfere with sleep, as can drinking large amounts of any liquid.  Instead try eating a small amout of mostly protein-rich food in the latter part of the evening.

•  Build an intentional relaxation routine just before or at bedtime.  Different practices will work for different people.  Some possible activities are reading (easy reading, not technical or emotional provocative), listening to relaxing music, stretching, or thinking about a future vacation.  Try not to engage is activities that are stimulating, like watching TV shows with violent or suspenseful content.

• Use your bed only for sleeping or sex.   Other activities may result in a “mental connection” between your bed and those activities, interfering with restfulness.  Much as getting in a dentist’s chair causes some anxiety and mental arousal, getting into bed should trigger sleepiness.

• Limit the light in the room.  Use dim night lights to see your way to the bathroom so that you do not have to turn on brighter lights that will arouse you from sleepiness, and use window shades that are effective in keeping out light from the outside.  Try either covering or turning off electronics that have bright displays or red “ready” lights such as DVD players and wireless telephones and chargers for other electronic items.

• Do not stay in bed if you cannot sleep.   This is similar to the suggestion of not using your bed for other activities.  If you lay awake for too long you may form a mental association with your bed as a place where you do NOT sleep rather than as a place where you do sleep.   If you are awake for more than 20 to 30 minutes, get up and go to another room, do something relaxing, and go back to bed when you feel drowsy.

 The tips in the two Trouble Sleeping? posts are intended to give you some ideas about how to approach your bedtime in a way that may enhance your ability to fall asleep more quickly.  It may also be true however that you are experiencing stress and anxiety that is not easily managed with these methods.  If excessive worry is keeping you awake it is also advisable that you seek professional therapy to illuminate, explore and resolve the causes of your anxiety.  Call today to make an appointment.

                                                                                  Sweet Dreams.

Food Matters! Tip #4

 

Having a full portion in view can distort your sense of the portion on your plate…

so even a full plate looks less than full 

 when sitting next to a heaping-full platter!

It’s all a matter of perspective!  Just like an optical illusion that fools our brain into seeing something other than what is actually there, sitting a very full plate next to a really full platter can fool us into thinking that our plate holds only a small portion.  

What can help is to learn how to judge portion sizes more accurately.  Here’s an example of the kinds of illustrations of portion equivalents that are available on the internet:

                                   If you can learn to measure your portions by using easily remembered objects and the equivalent volume they each represent, you will be able to manage your food intake very easily and without anyone else even noticing!

This is the easy part of course.   Keeping yourself from having 3 baseballs of rice is the real challenge, but starting to practice portion awareness will help to build your capacity for Intentional Living with regard to your eating habits

Bon Appetit!                                                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

Trouble Sleeping?

Having trouble sleeping? 

There can be many reasons that someone may have difficulty sleeping.   We will not explore those here.   This post is meant to offer some quick and easy tips to help you improve your “sleep hygiene” so that you can give yourself the best possible chance of getting a good night’s sleep without out using pharmaceuticals.  There are conditions, such as Narcolepsy that benefit from medication support, but first trying less invasive remedies is usually helpful.

There are some tried and true pre-sleep routines that may help.

Here are 5 suggestions.  

*     Set a regular sleep schedule.  Having a regular time-time to go bed and to get up helps you to establish a regular sleep-wake cycle so that you aren’t fighting against habit when you try to sleep.

*     Avoid taking naps.  If you must take a nap then at least limit it to no more than 20 minutes.  Naps reduce night-time sleep and disrupt your regular sleep cycle – or the one you’re trying to establish!

*     Create a good sleep environment.  Arrange for your bedroom to be as quiet and dark as possible, and if your bed is not comfortable purchase a more comfortable mattress.

*     Try not to watch the clock.  It only arouses you to alertness as you’re waiting to fall asleep.   If you need to, turn the clock so that it faces away from you.

*     Avoid strenuous exercise for at least 3 hours before your bedtime.  Yes, regular exercise is good for you, and helps to reduce stress, but it also releases natural body chemicals that cause arousal and alertness.  Just do it earlier.

The next post will have 5 more suggestions to improve your sleep habits.  Don’t expect dramatic changes immediately.  It’s taken some time to train your body NOT to sleep so it will take more time to re-train and then perfect your sleep practices.  Be patient, and once established, maintain your improved habits.

             Sweet dreams.

 

Food Matters! Tip #3

Eating as you move between places can seem like not eating at all.

Are you tricking yourself by eating in transit?

Have you noticed that when you’re engaged in an activity at home or at work you sometimes get up to get a snack and eat it all on your way back to where you were? 

Walking around your home or office can be another form of distraction that prevents you from being thoughtful and intentional about your eating (See Tip #2 posted on 3/15/10).  When you put your recorded TV show on pause, or save your word documents half-way through, and go to the kitchen to get a snack  you may pick up  four cookies but arrive back at your TV with only two cookies, having eaten the other two on the way.  So when you sit down again, with only the two remaining cookies in your hand, you can “lose” count.  Eating as you walk from the kitchen back to another area of the house may also be a way of hiding your eating if a partner or friend is waiting at the TV or in the backyard to resume the activity that was paused.  Arriving with only two cookies lets you  look more thoughtful about your eating than you actually are.

To help monitor and manage your eating, try resisting eating on the run… or even “on the walk.”

 

Food Matters! Tip #2

Many of the clients I see for psychotherapy, in addition to other issues, are concerned about their eating habits and weight management. 

My “Food Matters! Tips” may be obvious to you or perhaps may bring you a fresh idea that you can incorporate into your own health and nutrition habits.  If you have any “Tips” of your own, please post a comment or send them to me (e/m: jtnphd@earthlink.net) so that I can post and share them with other readers.

TIP:    Eating while distracted leads to overeating.   This falls into the behavioral category of mindless eating.  Notice how much more of your favorite snack you eat when you’re watching TV or working on a computer.  

 It’s very much like eating the whole box of popcorn while at the movies, whereas given that same box of popcorn and asked to stand outside and eat it you might very well eat much less.

If you are trying to regulate your eating, consider approaching your encounter with food as a solo activity; focus on it, savor it, enjoy it, and stay aware of the fact that you’re eating it!  Mental satisfaction is important in achieving a feeling of contentment and fullness with the meal.   Avoiding distractions as you’re eating will enhance your mindfulness about how much you consume.   

Strive to make your eating decisions more intentional to improve your general health.  Your feeling of vitality (and perhaps your change in weight), will reflect the difference.

Should I do this? Or that? Is that really the question?

I sometimes have clients ask what makes the most sense to do when they have read or heard advice about how to re-think and re-build their lives.  Often they feel faced with seemingly opposed strategies,  and don’t know which to choose.  Here’s an example:

1. Should I look within myself for happiness and success, or should I look outside of myself and seek the comfort and counsel of others?

2. If I’m feeling disconnected and discontent, is it best to go out and  become active and engaged in lots of activities, or is it advisable to go in and become more comfortable with self-affirming activities?

I help them to see that it’s not the particular choice but rather the Either/Or way of approaching the issues and indeed most challenges in life, that we should talk about.  The answer to their questions will come along with the discovery of how their dichotomous thinking is limiting their discovery of options. 

So what “should” they do?  Perhaps both.  Being flexible in our approach to events and situations allows for the most effective and fulfilling response.   Thinking only in dichotomies limits our perspective and therefore our vision of what might  be  possible,and may also constrict our emotional response to proscribed “feelings” that go along with that perspective. 

Bringing balance into our perspective and our response can make all the difference between feeling trapped into one  narrow path and feeling empowered to imagine different solutions and new combinations that each themselves present new options and, of course, new challenges. 

Choices:  the gift of life.

7 TIPS for Self-Care.

TRY THESE SEVEN TIPS TO IMPROVE YOUR OVERALL HEALTH AND WELLNESS.

Each day for 1 week, carefully consider one of these “tips” and ask yourself how you can better bring it into you daily life.

1. Maintain nutritional eating habits- monitor and regulate your use of sugar and caffeine.  Be especially careful of your alcohol intake, and if you smoke, stop!

2. Restful sleep- develop effective pre sleep habits and practice moments of relaxation during the day.

3. Get some exercise- especially cardio enhancing exercise.  Go for a vigorous walk regularly, or get out your bicycle.

4. Plan activities for relaxation and fun. Be intentional, rather than passive, about playing.  Children don’t just play because they have energy.  They also have energy because they play.

5. Grow a support system – try to connect with friends who are emotionally encouraging and intellectually stimulating.  Ask “doomsayers” to leave you out of that part of their repertoire.

6. Learn to say “NO” – limit your activities to a level that can be accomplished.  Try not to over extend yourself to the breaking point and thereby expose yourself to exhaustion and continuous disappointment.  Reach beyond your capacity when you have the physical and emotional reserves to endure the journey.

7. Consider new perspectives and ideas about the world around you and your place in it- being able to change your mind and your attitude is important to your resiliency.  When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.  

 

HAVE A GREAT WEEK!

Mood Problems? Food Matters!

Everyone eats.  Many people struggle with how much (too much?  to little?), when, and what they eat.

At the same time the prevalence of mood disturbances seems to be evident in the waiting rooms of many psychotherapists. 

What might be the connection between these two personal challenges?  We know that when someone is experiencing stress, at the very time when physical and psychological reserves may be at their lowest, she or he is more likely to engage in one or more of the following:

• Overeating

• Skipping meals

• Eating mostly fast food

• Excessive drinking of alcohol and caffeine

The following suggestions may seem obvious, yet if you take a serious inventory you might find that you are depriving yourself of the balanced nutrition you need to maintain a more regulated mood, and a more comfortable relationship to food.

1. Eat a number of smaller meals during the day and early evening, and in response to hunger rather than the clock.

2. Refrain – especially at night – from eating foods made of simple sugars like corn syrup.  Soft drinks, cake, cookies, donuts and pies cause first a rapid increase then a precipitous fall in blood glucose, making it difficult for your body to self-regulate.

3. Decrease or eliminate alcohol consumption.  Alcoholic drinks are high in calories but have almost no nutritional value, contribute depressed moods, sleep difficulties, increased anxiety, the problematic reduction of inhibitions and even bladder incontinence.

4. Ensure that your diet is varied, and that you include more vegetables, fruits and grains than meat.

These simple suggestions will help to change your relationship to food and nutrition and start you on a path toward improved physical and psychological health.

For more specific suggestions consult a food and nutrition specialist such as a dietician.